Monday, September 5, 2011

Join The Nester Club...Empty or Not So Much


I had so many responses and emails to a post I did last week about our 2 daughters going back to college. Click HERE if you'd like to read that post.

An "empty nest" doesn't necessarily mean that your kids have gone off to college. They may have moved out permanently and started a life of their own or you may be the only person at home for unforeseen circumstances, etc. An empty nest is still an empty nest.

For my husband and myself, with the girls being gone for 9 months of the year, there is a flood of mixed emotions being "Empty Nesters"...
  • we miss them like crazy...they still like to hang out with us, so it's a big change for us
  • are they safe and sound
  • they have a car there, so that's an issue to worry about too
  • cooking for a few instead of a flock of friends
  • I won't miss the mess
  • makeup all over the bathroom sink
  • clothes all over the floor...I gave up on that
  • running the dishwasher 2 times a day
  • did I say we missed them like crazy

There's a hitch in my "empty nest". Our side of the house is "empty", but my 87 year old dad lives in an in-law apartment just down the hall. I think we're called "semi empty nesters" which brings another whole set of issues...
  • hubby and I now have the freedom to go anywhere, but not quite...we have to find someone to stay with dad.
  • worrying about whether he'll burn our house down when he leaves the stove on cooking
  • or if the house will float down the street from another flood he caused (5 and counting)

Here's where the "Nester Club" starts. Are you a...

NESTER~~~kids leaving in a few years and you're getting emotionally ready
EMPTY NESTER~~~children are gone and your house is truly empty
SEMI NESTER~~~children are gone, but a parent or parents live with you or your grown children are back with you again

HOW TO JOIN THE CLUB...
  • leave a comment on this post
  • grab the button code on the right side bar and link back here, so we have more "Nesters"
  • make sure your email is not a "No Reply". Click HERE to find out if you are
  • if you don't have a blog, leave your email address in the comment so others can connect with you
Each week or so I will write a post on a "Nester" topic and we can all talk about it through the comments. I think all us "old birds" need a place to chirp...don't you!

Hope you can join,
~Karen~

66 comments:

  1. I'm joining! My daughter is 16 (how did that happen?) and determined to leave not only home but also the state! (It's a big state and we live in the middle--and she wants to live in a state in the Midwest or East!) Given the state of the economy and its extremely slow recovery from the ravages of the last few years, I doubt I'll be prepared to go off in search of my own new home when she's ready to leave.

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  2. Hi - I'm a nester. I'm also a blogger but I'm fairly new to it so I don't know how to "grab the button" or "link back to here."

    I have 4 kids, just moved one into an apartment 2 hours away to start grad school less than a week ago, just moved another into a dorm at college 1.5 hours away one week ago today, have another who is a senior in HS this year and we're back on the college search trail and the youngest is a sophomore in HS this year but I'm expecting it to feel like a very fast year as did last year. The house is definately shifting. But I'm ready for it!

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  3. I am a Happy empty nester. Two grown daughters and two wonderful grand children. The twins are still in school and one of them is living in our home. but we are in Monterrey Mx for husbands job. so I guess son is also an empty nester. Except he is not so much of a nester.

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  4. I am a nester...and live totally alone. My sons both live in another state. I think having an empty nest must be easier if you have a partner 'cause there are times when it is terribly lonely. Thank goodness I get to see my grandchildren and children on a regular basis!

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  5. Oh Karen, I so need this. I am a nester because my youngest son is in his second year of college. He lives at home, but college and studies has taken over most of his time. Our grown daughter lives at home too, but she is working and busy with her girlfriends. So I am really missing them :-( Thanks for filling and supporting a need :-)

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  6. We are happy nesters too. The children are all married and live close so we get to have them and our (going on) 25 grandchildren frequently. It's the best of times.

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  7. We are empty nesters...again. Our oldest daughter moved out in 2008 to go to college and lived with her boyfriend. Our youngest moved out in 2009 after she graduated and started working full time. In June they both moved back home temporarily and were here for about 6 weeks while they searched for an apartment together. I learned a lot during that 6 weeks! The biggest lesson learned was that I love my girls dearly, and miss them like crazy - but I don't ever want them to move back home again! LOL!!

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  8. Nester here...and such a newbie blogger I haven't got a clue how to grab the button OR link back.LOL.Someday. We have a daughter who is a Sophomore in college (did a cross country trip to return her to school 2 weeks ago...bittersweet!)She is 1,938 miles from home (but who is counting?)We have a son who is well into his senior year in high school. So time till I join the Empty Nesters is truly short. Will love reading about other peoples experiences! Thanks! For the record I miss our daughter tons, but I know how very ready she was to face this phase of her life.

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  9. I think I'm a semi-nester. I have two adult children with disabilities that will make living independently very challenging. I have the same concerns about flooding!

    I'm not without hope, but the light is at the end of a very long tunnel.

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  10. My oldest just started college 2 weeks ago. He is still in the adjustment stage as are we. My twins are juniors in high school so time is rushing quickly until the time we will be empty nesters. Not liking the change.

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  11. I'm a happy empty-nester. My youngest started college 3-1/2 hours away about 2 weeks ago. I know that both of my children are happy in their surroundings, have a network of friends that all look out for each other and, if need be, I can get to them in a relatively short time. We speak via skype, phone or text frequently. My house is clean, my laundry isn't always overflowing and the prospect of surprise guests no longer makes me anxious. Gotta say I love those kids and will be ready for them to come home for a weekend soon!

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  12. Hi there. I'm an empty nester, but 2 of the 3 adult sons live locally so we do get to see them. One just moved back to the east cost from the west coast, so we are truly enjoying having him in the vicinity. At some point, we will probably move on to a smaller home, but not right now.

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  13. I guess I'm actually a semi-nester. Last daughter is in college but still lives at home.....well sleeps at home, lol! I see her in the early a.m. and that's about it between college, work, and her fiance. She's getting married next spring. I have a son who lives across the ocean in Hawaii while he's serving a 2-year mission for our church and he'll be home in December but between college, work, and looking for a wife (hope he delays that search for awhile, lol!) I won't see him too much. I look forward to future "nester" posts. Oh, forgot to mention that my dad lived with us for some time before he passed away several years ago so I understand those challenges too.
    Cindy

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  14. Re-testing my "no reply" status! Thanks, Sher

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  15. I'm in! We are empty nesters in Montana..my oldest daugher just graduated from college and moved to Alabama. My youngest just moved to college 2 1/2 hours away. I work full time as a bookkeeper, and my husband has emphysema, so I count on quilting and scrapbooking for my entertainment and therapy- haha!!

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  16. Some ideas for the elderly father situation...if you can, put in water faucets that are motion activated so they can't be left on to flood the place. Also unplug the stove and have him use the microwave. I understand, we've been through the same stuff. Good luck!

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  17. Mr. Romance and I are semi-nesters. My mom lives with us for the last 10 years. But for the next 60 days we are empty nesters because she has recently had a hip fracture and will be living in an assisted living living "resort". After raising 4 sons, the last one still has too much stuff in our house and garage. But, we are enjoying the calm...if you can be calm with 8 grandkids!

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  18. We are nesters, but we FEEL old enough to be EMPTY Nesters! Our oldest daughter is active duty AF and is deployed to Qatar for 6 months. I know she does not want to live at home any more, but that is over the top! Thank goodness for Skype! Our middle lives locally; works and goes to school. The youngest is a sophomore in HS and can you say FIRECRACKER?? I'm almost ready to MAKE him drive. (almost!) Love this idea...

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  19. Our nest is empty and I am finally getting into the rhythm of changing those bedrooms after many years. This past year I claimed one bedroom as my sewing room. My husband was reluctant but now he refers to it as the sewing room so that means it IS now the sewing room. The girls are gone and have children of their own...but Dad misses those rooms as the "girls" rooms. The heart has finally accepted what the mind already knew...the kids have grown and left the nest!

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  20. We are new empty nesters! Our only son left for college in 2002. He attended a wonderful school, but it was 1000 miles away. That was a huge adjustment for me.
    He graduated in four years and returned home. The current economy and job market never produced the job of his dreams. He lived with us for a few years, before earning enough to have his own apartment. Then, he moved home again this past summer, to save more money.
    A few weeks ago, he followed his father's footsteps and is a first year law student at Vanderbilt. He is again a long way from home. But, when they are happy, the distance is not important! I am now busy turning his bedroom into an office for me, but the bed will remain in the room -- just in case!

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  21. I loved your post! I'm a nester and I'm joining!! Your thoughts are exactly my feelings! Thank you!

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  22. Karen, this is a great post. I am definitely a "Nester", working hard on getting ready for when my only child, now a sophomore in HS, goes away to college. She is preparing her Dad and I in stages - a school trip to DC this month, one to Miami in the spring, and (hopefully) a school trip/class in Florence, Italy over the summer. She hopes to take a school trip to China in her Junior year as that is the language she studies. Sometimes it's hard to let her go, but we are so excited for her at the same time. I'm definitely looking forward to grandchildren...someday. ;)

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  23. I guess I'm a sorta-semi-nester. Our older son (23) has developmental disabilities, but is in his last year in an adult special education program that teaches daily and community living skills, as well as employment training. (We had a few indoor floods to deal with when he was young, but now he does most of his own cooking, laundry, shopping, etc.- hooray!) He is being prepared for semi-independent living in a supervised apartment setting. No. 2 son just returned to college 3 hrs. away. He plans to stay there next summer so he can work and take more classes. He took a gap year after high school and worked as a volunteer in a 3rd-world country for 6 months, so we're somewhat used to having him away for long periods of time. It was really nice having him home this summer, but bittersweet knowing that it was probably his last one here. My 90-y.o. mother is in a nearby dementia care facility; we visit twice a week but don't have direct responsibility for her care.

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  24. I'm a nester. Two older sons have families and live on the east coast. (Four grandbabies!) My third, moved to El Paso to attend UTEP, she is in third year of college. Our youngest is a senior in HS, never see her anyway, she has 2 jobs, and busy with school.

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  25. I'll join, I'm a semi nester, I've got a son at uni and a married daughter living with us, just waiting to afford to move out.

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  26. Karen,

    I am in, but my nest is really strange right now. My oldest child moved out a year ago (after finishiing his last two years in college away from home), but I have a 12 and 15-year old still at home. Pretty normal, right? My husband has left the nest semi-permanently: he works overseas (way overseas) and has onlly been home three times for a total of 7 weeks in the past 18 months and won't be done til July 2012 at the earliest. Have I mentioned this is an odd way to live? Really, reallly odd.

    Erin

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  27. I guess we are empty nesters but since our 4 kids left almost 25 years ago this just feels normal to us. But I remember the pangs I felt when they were gone. It does get better and then it is great. You can come and go as you please, you can even run naked through the house. I loved having the kids around and I love having them in their own homes. We did a good job raising them and the reward is that we can enjoy ourselves and each other.

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  28. Our last child left 6 years ago. I am slowly getting used to the idea. In all truth, I really miss my kids. I am, however enjoying the quiet, and developing my interests. I still get lonely for them though...

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  29. I,m a happy empty nester, love to see and lovely to see them go again, I'm also like Sher I'm a blogger but very new and I don't know which" button to grab" or how to" link back here". I do know that I would love to have the grandkids more as they give me so much to do and whats more they want to help you do it, unlike the big kids who think coming home is a time to relax and let mum do all the work, I'm also like Staci and having spent a fortnight with them over Christmas I never want them to move home again LOL

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  30. This is perfect! I have 3 kids, one on his own, and 2 girls in college. Youngest left this week. I'm the first of my friends to be an empty nester and it's strange. Everyone else is busy with school starting and I'm kinda just hanging out. Very weird! Only things holding us back from traveling freely are our 2 small dogs--but we're working on finding dog-sitters! It will be nice having friends to chat with about this new phase!

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  31. My daughter just graduated from college and has moved and starting her job 2 hours away from me. Also my husband had to transfer in order to keep his job to Kansas. So I'm "empty" everything! Would love to hear from others in the same situation.

    Beth
    Tennessee

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  32. We're happy empty-nesters! Both of our children have their own homes, and we've been blessed with two sweet grandsons. We get to see the boys several times a week, so it's still a busy house, full of toys and noise, but the evenings are quiet after they go home and we get to recharge our batteries for the next visit.

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  33. Karen we have been empty nesters for 16yr. It certainly takes some getting use to.

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  34. Not sure where I would fall in the scheme of things... I have one just starting college, one a junior in high school, a 3rd grader, and one just started kindergarten. Maybe I'm most of them, just not an empty-nester. Although, it feels very strange having all of them away during the day. I miss them. *sniffle*

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  35. What a timely post. I just got home tonight from taking my daughter to university in a city 5 hours away. It was so hard to leave her...and than drive all the way home alone :( I already miss her like crazy but, like you, I won't miss the clothes and other mess!

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  36. I am a semi-empty nester; my daughther has her own home just a few minutes by car from us and our grandson stays with us on a regular basis. It's like getting the best of two worlds really although I still miss having my daughter around more.
    I'm still adjusting to grocery shopping and cooking for two though; never seems to get it right.

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  37. I'm not sure where I am. My BF and I share custody of our children with our exes and so they're with us every other weekend and most of the summers. But we are always confused by situations like your post which seem to assume that if you have children under the age of 18, they must live with you, unless there's something wrong with you, especially if you're a woman (and everyone in the world raises that questioning eyebrow that says, "you don't LOOK like you're on drugs ... care to explain before I make my own judgment and walk away?").

    So we live like empty nesters, especially since all our children (9, 11 and 13) live 300+ miles away and we visit them near their homes, not ours, but we really have no friends locally. Like you, most people assume that empty nesters are "old birds" rather than people in their late 30's/early 40's, and most people our age have lives that revolve 100% around their children. We have little time for life outside work anyway and try to fill that time with hobbies and each other, but it's a pretty lonely road especially since most people don't realize that the difficulty of this life goes far beyond just missing your kids and doing what's right for them.

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  38. I guess you could say we are Nesters. My oldest son will be getting married on Oct 8th. For the last 11 months they have both been living here. Its been nice and hard at the same time. With my husbands schedule its nice for me to have them here so that I am not alone 24 hours a day. They plan on moving out the week before the wedding. I do have an 18 year old that won't be leaving home soon, but he works and has a life all his own so I will almost feel like that Empty Nester everyone talks about. Not sure how that makes me feel other than sad at times, and yet relieved knowing I raised good kids that can move on in life.

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  39. Well, I am in that precarious position just between nester and empty nester where my son lives away at college for 9 months while we miss him and then returns home for 3 months to remind us how much we love being alone in a clean house!!

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  40. I'm an empty nester! I don't have a blog at this time, but have seriously contemplated starting one. If my hubby and I decide to do a 3 to 4 month cruise across the country will definitely start a blog! We have three grown children, and will become first time grandparents early next year. I am currently unemployed, but reviweing two offers I have received while debating the merits of not working for the next year so we can take off on that cross country tour we've been talking about for years.

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  41. Goodness, I must be the youngest Empy Nester here. I'm 31, husband is 42 and both of my stepchildren are leaving home. Daughter is headed to college an hour away and son is moving into a place with buddies while attending community college locally. What makes it harder is that our daughter has been acting out, being a teenager and trying to find herself, and we have been very unhappy with her behavior. She's been staying with greandparents (because she didn't want to abide by our curfew) so college move-in day is in two weeks but she's been out of the house all summer. I'm hoping that she will not get into trouble while she's away at school... but there's only so much we can do. She's ignoring our texts and calls so she will probably be moving into the dorm without help from us. :/ I already miss her... or I miss the nice version of her, anyway. I'm sure our son won't go far because all of his tools are still here. LOL
    Jen - jntmp@hotmail.com

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  42. LOL! Y'all scooch over...I'm jumping in too. Our nest is newly empty (just a week) and I feel like I'm perched on the edge. So excited for our kids and their new adventures though. Our son just finished Marine Boot Camp this summer and is in Camp Pendleton and our daughter just started college. We ranch so there is no shortage of things to keep us busy, it's just a 'new' normal that we'll have to adjust to. So glad I'm in good company! I'm off to bake cookies for care packages!

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  43. I am an empty nester and would love to join the group. I'm not a blogger yet,maybe soon. My 2 daughters both moved out of state of course different states, the younger one 2 years ago. I have my days of missing them like crazy. I do enjoy the quiet. My husband just retired from an AF reserve job so things are getting alittle easier for me with him only working one job. He is a pilot so it seemed the house was always empty, but now were kinda of reconnecting again. And my big excitement is were going to be first time grandparents early next year!

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  44. We're empty nesters (well, except for our puppy Lilly). Daughter has lived away from home while in college for the last four years and we don't expect her to return full time (or is that wishful thinking- LOL?) We're lucky that she's close enough to come home every weekend - she only lives in the city and we're in the suburbs, so it's the best of both worlds!

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  45. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  46. We just celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary. My son is a new lawyer and my daughter is in her last year of PT school, so we have been empty nesters for a while. I check on my step father who lives in an assisted living about an hour away. Life if good!

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  47. We have been empty nesters for about 6 months. Our youngest got married in February. All four of our children are married, I have two beautiful granddaughters.
    Funny, my son and his wife are with us this week, they are off to live in Singapore for 18 months...glad to have them here really!! Everyone else lives close by.

    I am still trying to adjust to the cooking for two...but we do love the freedom. I like the "It is 10:00PM do you know where your parents are..." They would most likely answer: "Asleep on the couch watching TV" Ha Ha!! Sad but true.

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  48. Ok - only two days with my two remaining kids back at high school and I'm ready to empty the rest of the nest NOW! Anyone need a few chicks to fill their nest - I'm offering two (teenagers, boys, potty trained but don't tend to flush... attitudes in tact, but not always good ones, grumpy, don't respond to nagging) how's that for a sales pitch!

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  49. OK, I'm in. This is our first season of being empty nesters. I'm devastated but trying to adjust with grace. Like you, our girls loved hanging out and doing things as a family. Now they'll all so stinkin' FAR AWAY~!! Their schools are too far to come home for any but the longest holidays. From what you listed, I know you understand completely. :D

    So here are two positive thoughts for the moment: I really like that the areas I clean up stay cleaned up. I *really* like the restaurant bill for 2 instead of 5+boyos!

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  50. I have 6 children and 6 grandchildren. I am a nester. My youngest son is 18 and will be going on a church service mission for 2 years in the spring. My oldest 5 children are all married. I have a lot to keep me busy, but I don't know how to deal with the loss. Maybe when it happens, I will know how to feel.

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  51. I love this! There is so little out there for us empty nesters. Mine have been gone for 10 years and I still struggle. My mom lives with us now. I am so excited to connect with others in my boat. I have just started a new blog but haven't got to do a lot of work on it yet. It is www.theoldcrowsemptynest.com I am hoping to get more on it soon!

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  52. I'm a "grandparent" nester. We have one adorable young grandson who lives across the street with his mommy and daddy. Other than having him over often we are empty nesters.

    I added the button to my blog and look forward to our discussions.

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  53. We're 'nesters' at this point. One at college, and a senior in high school. When one comes home from college, the other one is getting ready to head to camp as a summer counselor. We seldom have them both for very long. When they are both gone, we'll have to find someone to keep the dogs (not father-in-law). It's always something. At least the dogs don't cook.

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  54. Forgot to post last week, so will get in this group this week. I am an empty nester and don't care for all the quite. Can't wait until SS starts so that I can have some extra for quilting, sewing, and craft projects. Waiting is the hard part. In March my son will return from a mission and will probably stay with me for less than a year. Deciding on where to finish up college, and maybe find a wife. Who knows what his plans will be,once he gets home. I do have 3 daughters and two are married and on their own and the third is divorced with 3 children. This is why I live close, so that I can help out if needed. But those 3 grandchildren are pretty much grown and don't need grandma any more. I think it is tough being alone, as I lost my husband 8 years ago, to cancer. But I am looking forward to finding me again. Thanks for this group and hopefully support!

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  55. Am a nester, have G-kids living with me, the baby is blue eyed two year old, am going to be busy teaching them how to bake from scratch..posted recipes i n my notes for them..

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  56. Hi I am an empty nester like so many others. Both my sons married within 6 weeks of each other 2 years ago. We have one adorable 6 month old grandson who lives 8 hours away and just last week my second son tols us they were expecting their first baby around March next year. I'm lookinf forward to joining with everyone. I don't have a blog so my address is sharynwhiting@hotmail.com

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  57. Hi! My husband and I just became empty nester's last month when we sent our youngest daughter to the rival college of her older sister (who is now a sophomore). :0) It's very different not having any children at home...it's so quiet, clean and lonely at times. One of the worst parts is struggling to cook for 2 instead of 4! We are a close knit family and I talk to both of our daughters on the phone daily. :0)

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  58. My name is Augie I live in Mich. My husband passed away two years ago and my only son moved to North Carolina a year later (He had to go where his job took him) so I have an empty nest. It was hard the first year but it's getting better. I'm online more and have joined yahoo sewing groups. I'm partial to the crazy quilts as my mother-in-law had one to die for from the 1900's. I'm not old enough for SS but I have a small pension I live on so I don't work outside my home. My 80+ year old folks are both still alive and good health, live alone in their own home in town where I live out in the country. My mom wanted me to sell and move to town, but my husband loved the land out here so it is hard to give up, I feel closer to him out here. I've decided to go spend the holidays with my son and 3 year old grandson, but I'm taking my sewing machine with me, LOL! I have a Designer Diamond and I use it alot. Thank you for the invite and I'm glad to join others who love to sew.

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  59. I'm a nester. I love the freedom to go where we want, eat what we want without complaints from the peanut gallery, and do what we want. I miss the kids a LOT, but I don't miss having to check in with them when we decide to do something on the spur of the moment.

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  60. So glad to find you. I knew you were out there. I started my blog specifically to help me as an empty nester. #3 packed off for college in August.

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  61. What a wonderful blog club!! So glad to be here!! Now, grabbing the blog button!!

    My blog's name is "The Artist's House".

    http://www.attheartistshouse.blogspot.com

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  62. Hi, I hope I am doing this correctly. We were an empty nester for 3 months when my 17 year old moved out in September. She moved back over the weekend. We have one more year and she will be either in college or on her own! I have just started my blog; however, I can be reached at marciakm58@gmail.com. I am looking forward to being part of The Nester Club even though I am an almost an empty nester at the moment. Marcia

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  63. Hi, and I too hope I can get this right. My hubby and I will be sending out youngest on to her first apartment and college after two years living at home while attending two years of community college. I am hoping that I don't eat my words, "If I even ACT like I'm missing you kids, somebody knock me in the head..."!! Well, I know I'll miss them, I already do. So, how to survive? Hoping to find lots of answers and insights here! :-)

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  64. Hi, I'm a Semi-Nester as my dear MIL (89 yrs.)moved in with us 2 years ago and live in Maine. Until then, we had been Empty Nesters for well over 10 years and enjoyed having the freedom to come and go as we pleased. We especially enjoyed going out to breakfast, exploring and not coming home until after dinner. Now we are expected prepare all meals. I have 3 grown daughters and DH has a son and daughter. Between us there are 6 granddaughters,3 grandsons and one great-grandson. All but my youngest daughter in AZ live within an hour of us. Being an empty nester only caught me off guard when my youngest moved out of the house and my oldest daughter moved to FL for a few years.

    This year I retired due to additional stress brought on by a new manager. I'm not old enough to collect medicare (nor to be a Great Grandmother!)

    I love to flower garden, sew and quilt and each has their own season. Recently, I have been helping out with my GGson (16 mos.) a few days a week while his Mom recuperates from surgery for a broken kneecap. Life is definitly NOT boring!

    My email is: kathieb648@gmail.com

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  65. I am an empty nester. My baby girl is a freshman at ULL- University of Louisiana Lafayette. My husband and I have also hosted exchange students in the past; a great experience for an only child. Lizzie now has sisters all over the world. I love sewing and crafts and I have truly enjoyed reading your blog. I came across it on Pintrist.

    I'm very excited about being a part of the club!!!!
    Deshawna
    deshalatch@gmail.com

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  66. I am an empty nester for three years now. Both boys grown and flown far away so no surprise "drop in" visits. Still trying to figure out what I used to like or do before kids. You could say I'm stuck :/
    Kristi (hilmoe4@gmail.com)

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